Well, here's a picture of the BEGINNING stages of the packing! You notice that important items like the spinning wheel and a box of my books "The Fields of May," went in first--priorities, you know!It seemed appropriate to end what might be my last post of the month with a reminder for those who read my blog--October is pastor appreciation month! Having been a pastor's wife for 18 years, I feel like I have enough insight to comment on how it is to live in the parsonage! Of course I have never lived in a parsonage, we own our own home, but you know what I mean.
Most of you readers live far away from me and I trust you are involved in remembering your pastor and his wife at some point this month. If your church is doing something for the pastor, please make sure to include his wife. If you are doing something individually, remember her.
I thought I'd give a few little clues to what life is like for a pastor's wife for all of you who may not know. This will help you have more insight and creativitiy in honoring her this month. A pastor's wife is usually at church each time the doors are open as is her husband. She may have an outside job as well and this really means large demands on her time. She feels obligated (in many churches) to keep an immaculate house in case people stop in unannounced. I know we have housed guests countless times. Pastor's wives are called upon to exercise hospitality to overnight guests quite often, especially in smaller churches. Maybe she does not get a day off even though she'd like to honor the scriptures and take a rest. Sundays are hectic for her household and Monday rolls around with the usual washing, school, maybe a job, and clean up after the weekend. It's tiring sometimes.
If she lives in a parsonage, she may feel her home is not her own or it is on loan from the church and that makes it hard to relax in it and redecorate, etc. I have never experienced this, but can easily see it may happen. The pastor's wife is a church member just like all the rest of the congregation and she probably does many jobs in the church in addition to being the pastor's wife. Don't over expect from her for that reason. Being his wife is sometimes enough since you are automatically included in nearly everything.
She is invited to everything held in anyone's home--all the parties and etc. This requires either spending tons of money on unnecessary items so as not to offend the hostesses or not going at all. Her income may be limited. Pastors usually are not real high on the income ladders! Her family is invited (and expected to attend) all graduation parties (this requires gifts) and weddings, baby showers, etc., etc. Give her grace if she can't attend your make up party. She may be broke!
The wife of a pastor is most likely in on counseling sessions with her husband, including pre-marital counseling, and is often called upon to listen and "counsel" the women of the church (especially in small churches). Even though she may have no title and no monetary compensation, she is often pastoring right alongside her husband in a quiet, unnoticed way. Much of what he does requires and includes her. As well as that, she is still a wife, possibly a mother and grandmother.
Pray for your pastor and his wife often. Unique to the role of pastor's wife is a special kind of loneliness. Unlike anyone else in the congregation, she may feel she has no pastor and shouldnt' form close friendships for fear of being "cliqu-ish." It would seem like she would have the best of pastoring since she is living in the home of a pastor, but truthfully, it's difficult to pastor your own family. The pastor needs her to be his comfort and make a home that is a safe and comfortable haven for him to rest after the demands of the job. This complicates the role of "pastoring" your wife after you have already spent your best energies responding to the needs of everyone else. Try to understand that she might face issues like you do,but it is difficult for her to share them with anyone in the congregation. Her needs and difficulties often include the burdens of church work and the burdens that others have shared with her and this must all be held in confidence.
Having said all that, I want to say that there is a special grace for the jobs we are given in life. The Lord equips those He calls and He never leaves us. We have all we need for life and godliness, including the grace to do any job. But, in case you've never thought of it before, remember your pastor's wife during this month especially set aside to honor pastors. Blessings, LORI
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