I have decided to post an article or even a series on the subject of "courtship." I think being a "granny" now and having had one child go through what might be termed "courtship" followed by a wonderful Christian marriage, qualifies me to make comments. Another qualifying factor is the fact that for 17 years I have been a pastor's wife, involved with my husband in listening to the heartaches and woes of failing marriages. We have seen the devastation that dating causes in the church and also experienced the heartache and results that a church experiences when families break up. Since my first book is a Christian courtship fiction story and the second and third are sequels of the same subject, I thought it would be appropriate for me to begin writing about the subject on my blog. People are always asking me what my books are about and I have to explain that they are Christian courtship fiction and then I need to explain in a nutshell what courtship is. Most people are then very interested, not turned off as you might suspect!
I know there are alot of definitions of the term floating around out there, but what I am speaking of when I talk about courtship, is a return to a concept of pre-marriage behavior that mirrors more closely what would be biblically sound and have been practiced in earlier days. However, I've got some suggestions and observations that I think are unique. Please bear with me even if you're already married. I find that people that are married and didn't go through a courtship (like me) are sometimes the biggest advocates of such a plan because they realize what the dating system of our culture lacks. Let me make a disclaimer here; I have a wonderful Christian husband and when we were dating in the 70's, there was little or no information out there about "courting" as I'm describing it. Thank God, I was lead to someone who was a Christian and everything worked out for the best. I look back and see that I could easily have fallen into the trap of the culture and settled for all the wrong things in a man just becuase the "system" encourages mostly outward qualities and leaves God out of the process.
There are others out there who have probably done a better job of describing courtship (I've read them) than I will, but since I have some unique angles and thoughts, I'll go ahead and put in my two cents.
Since writing the book, "The Fields of May," which is blatantly in favor and descriptive of "courtship" and strict behavioral standards, I have received a variety of comments from readers and I hope they keep coming! One young girl, not necessarily in a church, raved about the book and used it for a book report at her public school. Many older ladies, I believe unfamiliar with courtship and already married themselves, were equally complimentary. Most folks have been very kind in their comments, even enthusiastic. Interestingly enough, some readers from very conservative Christian backgrounds were the ones that gave me minor criticisms. The criticism I most often hear runs along these lines: people don't really live that way anymore, the characters are too "good," and it's a rare young lady who has a home life like the characters in your book.
This last comment is the one I want to center on for this article. I've read alot of descriptions of courtship that lay out a series of rules that young people should follow to conduct an acceptable courtship. In other words, some people have a pretty clearly defined idea in their minds as to how this should all work. But I really believe that as a society, even in the church, we don't have the fences (that's a hint about my next book by the way!) in place that will allow most young people to follow a courtship model. Is that the fault of the church? Maybe. Probably. After all, we're supposed to be the salt in a society. We certainly could do better as Christians in creating a culture in our churches that supported biblical pre-marriage relationships. So what about the young woman who is a convert to Christianity and she has no believing father or mother to help her walk through the steps of finding a husband? In the traditional definitions of courtship, the father and mother of the young couple are very actively involved in the process of prayer before the young people decide if this will be God's will. This is the way my book goes as well, so I'm not criticizing that. I think it's appropriate. But what about all those young people that are not in a Christian home, but have been converted or what about those who are in Christian homes, but mom and dad are not grounded enough in the word to aid them in such an endeavor (there's way more of that going on than you might imagine!)? I think that's one of the real problems here. Even as Christians, many of us are not grounded enough to even know what we believe or should practice, let alone help someone else through such important decisions. We've got to step up to the plate on alot of issues, this being just one.
I've got a lot more to say on the subject. I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg and really didn't even get to any of my major thoughts. I'll keep posting on this subject for awhile, hoping it triggers some thoughts for you to meditate on. I want so desperately to be salt and light. Don't you? More on courtship to follow....
Tried to can peaches today. Got all set up only to discover they weren't as ready as I thought. So I stopped that process for today and will try again tomorrow. Got the ham, beans, onions, and red potatoes in the crock pot for supper. Smells wonderful. There's such satisfaction in making a meal that came largely from your garden. It makes all the work worth it! I hope to pick berries this afternoon. Last night we got to eat the first sweet corn from the patch Rhiannon is privileged to use. So tasty, Blessings, LORI
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